Three Months

After a roller coaster kind of week, I was quite happy to roll into bed on the Thursday night, open a book that doesn’t require much thinking, and fall asleep. Thursday is the end of my lecture week with Friday being a writing day. Knowing that I had a full day of writing ahead of me, I knew rest would set me in good stead for the next day. This is a huge change for me. Before all this happened, I was a dreadful sleeper. I was so consumed with work, I couldn’t rest, that is, when I finally made my way to bed. Work always took priority over sleep and I had learnt over years of practice how to barely function on 3-4 hours of sleep a night. This has now changed. Sleep is a priority. That Thursday evening, going to bed early, I wasn’t concerned about anything really. But when I was just about to fall asleep, I suddenly snapped awake. It’s the 27th! Now this thought wasn’t a cause for anxiety, quite the opposite. If anything, realising that it was the 27th brought more determination. You might be asking, ‘what’s so special about the 27th?’ But more precisely, that Thursday was August 27th; three months until November 27th, the date I leave for seven months of writing in the UK. My study leave was in sight again. But unlike last semester, this three month mark didn’t cause a countdown clock to start in my mind, ready to tick off every day until I leave. I wasn’t listing off all the things that needed to be done. My only thought was that I needed to be more functional than I am now. With that thought, I knew the plan for rehab settled that week wasn’t going to get me to that point. Outpatient rehab wasn’t going to cut it; a more intensive rehab plan was needed. I added a task to my list for the next day; contact the rehabilitation centre that I was due to start with in six weeks time (after outpatient rehab was finished) and move the starting point to this coming week. The weariness of the previous day forgotten. No more going with the flow of what others decide for me; the only chance of being physically ready for November 27th was if I became more proactive. Three months. The rehab countdown clock had already started.

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